Gratitude is the Bridge to Joy and Hope

3 Steps to Getting There

By Sadie V. Williams from the work of Dr. Tanmeet Sethi

1. The difference between Joy and Happiness. 

  • Being happy is an emotion that is temporary in response to an external moment. It comes from the 5 senses; to see, hear, taste, smell, touch and feel. We respond with happiness when we see our children having fun, or when we eat something delicious, or when someone compliments us. It´s in the moment and is fleeting. 
  • Joy is a state of being and is cultivated from the same place where love and creativity live, in your heart, and is always with you. It is limitless, and transformative and is waiting to be tapped into like a reservoir. It requires surrender, and like love, it is a choice. My brother-in-law is famous for quoting “Don’t let anything or anyone steal your Joy.”

2. How do we cultivate joy when we are NOT happy with our lives, circumstances and/or relationships?

  • Facing grief, loss, failure, illness, estrangement, chronic pain, aging, etc. This makes us unhappy (sad, angry, depressed, mean-spirited, judgmental, and critical).
  • Accompanied by negative emotions (expressed outwardly) yelling, screaming, throwing tantrums, being sarcastic, judgmental, and critical, and feelings (expressed internally) anxiety from fear or paranoia, sadness, despair, melancholies’, debilitating fatigue, and depression. Or feeling nothing, numbing out incapable of feeling anything breeding lack of compassion or kindness, cold heartedness.
  • Ancient emotions coming from the amygdala to fight, freeze or take flight that is run away. Derived to protect and survive us in times of real fear from violence, 

attacks from animals or assaults, grave accidents, or war, yes, we need these reactive emotions to survive but NOT when the situation, circumstances or conflicts are not threatening our life.

  • To cultivate Joy and a shift in perspective and in attitude practice gratitude, the bridge to Joy and to healthier emotions and feelings starts with being thankful. The mere act of saying thank you to all of life’s lessons including the difficult ones is critical to building the capacity to grow strength, courage, resilience, patience, and perseverance.  To keep going no matter what. This is what leads us to be hopeful and believe or have faith in the future and in our ability to not only survive but thrive.
  • The experience of surviving an accident or illness (think of the pandemic and how we all had to adapt) was challenging yet we made do, and we managed to live despite it.  Resilience and creativity rose to meet the challenges. There is always something to be grateful for.

3. How do we get to do this when it is counter intuitive? It doesn’t make sense to say thank you to grief, loss, unfairness, violence, and a broken heart. 

Here are a couple of practical ways to use the energy of mindfulness, of self-compassion and kindness, to direct emotion (energy in motion) to self-care and balance, to nurturing positive habits of reframing negative perspectives, being courageous and resilient, and learning to be patient and persevering with oneself and others.

  • Get into an embodied presence. “Trauma lives in the body and there is where it also heals” (Tanmeet Sethi) Be in your body, focus on where in your body does the anger, pain, and loss live and direct healing energy there.
  • Use self-touch like hand over heart, or give yourself a hug, massage your neck or shoulder and provide loving presence to it. This is crucial to activate the vagus nerve to relax and de-stress.
  • Sing, dance or laugh at doggie/kiddie videos to stimulate the vocal cords that lift your mood and boost Tthe immune system with positive hormones like dopamine and serotonin.
  • Reflect, listen to your deepest self, and journal what wants to be said out loud. When you release sorrow, hurt and worry to the universe it will be seen/heard and be put away to rest until it resolves itself.

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